


The Smoothie Smuggler

by brokenhighways



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Attempt at Humor, Comedy, Fluff and Crack, Food, M/M, Pre-Slash, Workplace Relationship, smoothies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 19:49:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8222812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: Today's the day that Jensen's finally going to confront the asshole in IT who keeps stealing his homemade smoothies from the fridge. If said asshole happens to be a guy that he went on a disastrous date with one time, it's just a coincidence.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for [](http://spn-writing.livejournal.com/profile)[**spn_writing**](http://spn-writing.livejournal.com/) 's comedy [writing challenge f](http://spn-writing.livejournal.com/4390.html)or the 'Mistaken identity' prompt.
> 
> Just thought I'd post it here too! It's unbeta'd, so sorry for any mistakes!

 

This fic is also available on LJ [here](http://brokenhighways.livejournal.com/62604.html). 

* * *

 

Jensen's got a plan. A very major plan. Today is the day that he determines who the hell keeps stealing his strawberry and banana smoothies from the fridge at work. Careful staking out has led him to the conclusion that it's one of the guys from IT.   
  
"Jensen, why am I here?" Chris, his annoying assistant, pipes up. "I'm pretty sure that you're just overreacting. They're just smoothies."  
  
Jensen glares at the man. "It's been two weeks. Ten days of smoothies gone. Taken by the Smoothie Smuggler." Chris almost chokes on his fruit salad and Jensen wonders if he's a terrible person for enjoying it. Probably.   
  
"So, you dragged me down here to - in your words - ' _mount an all-out attack_ ' against the...Smoothie Smuggler?"  
  
"The name is a work in progress, okay. Do you have a better idea?" Jensen snaps. It's not like he's spent hours thinking about all of this. Well. Fine. Maybe he has, can't a guy just have a healthy appreciation of alliteration?  
  
Chris stares at him with a contemplative look. After a minute, he snaps his fingers. "Smoothie Bandit. Boom."  
  
Jensen's just about to tell him to shut the fuck up when the kitchen door opens. The IT guys stroll in loudly and congregate by the coffee maker. Jared's there, with his tall, beautiful, potentially thieving self. Jensen ignores the way his heart flutters. He and Chris watch as Jared goes over to the fridge and pulls out a bottle. Before he can get a better look, more people pile in and Danneel from HR decides to use his lap as a chair. By the time he's done clawing hair out of his mouth, the frickin' IT crowd have gone along with his smoothie.   
"So much for our smoothie bandit stakeout," Chris says when they get back to the office.  
  
Jensen just rolls his eyes. "Well, we at least have a suspect now. Jared was the only one who went into the fridge. Ergo, he's our suspect." Technically, Jared was the only person he _saw_ going into the fridge on account of the distracting amount of effort he put into pretending to listen to what Danneel was talking about.  
  
"What are we, the Smoothie Police?" Chris breaks into a bout of brash, obnoxious laughter, only stopping when he realises that Jensen is not laughing him with. "Dude, you need to chill out. Leave a note or something."  
  
Jensen turns on his computer and starts to sift through the files he had Chris drag out for him. "I'm not going to leave a passive aggressive note, like some douchebag living in a college dorm."  
  
Jensen might be overreacting a little (okay, a lot) but he has _standards_.  
  
"You literally made me stakeout the kitchen for two hours, but somehow a note is so much worse?" Chris says. "There's something wrong with you."  
  
~  
  
Stage 2 of Jensen's plan is to crawl up into one of the vents and physically spend the entirety of the day watching all activity in the kitchen. It's a sound plan, really. All he needs are the blueprints for the building, a black jumpsuit, an oxygen tank, and he's good to go.  
  
Of course, Chris vetoes that and reminds him that he actually has work to do. So Jensen's forced to give up on stage 2. He moves onto planning stage 3 while he pretends to do work. If his boss complains, he figures that he'll blame it on the trauma of being robbed savagely on daily basis.   
  
"The fucking vents," Chris says when he comes over to drop off a file. "I deserve a raise for even agreeing to participate in this madness. Who do you think you are, Tom Cruise?"  
  
"What I am, is thirsty, Chris. Thirsty for my smoothie that I made." Why Chris fails to understand this is a mystery to him.   
  
"You could just stop making them," Chris suggests. "And before you start, I do not want to hear about how you used a hand blender. Buy a fucking Nutri Bullet."  
  
"And let Jared win? No way," Jensen says. "And it tastes better when I hand blend it."  
  
It doesn't, but he made the mistake of buying one and tossing the receipt before he realized that it was an evil contraption that required more effort than he was willing to make. Chris doesn't need to know that.   
  
Chris exhales deeply. After a brief moment he says, "Hey, you don't know that it's Jared. You're just projecting because he dumped you."  
  
"Fine, the _alleged_ Smoothie Smuggler," Jensen snaps.."And he didn't dump me. Ugh. Shut up and go back to work."  
  
~  
  
As his luck wouk have it, Jensen's computer dies one week after Operation Smoothie commences and they send Jared down to fix it. Jared is all smiles as usual but Jensen doesn't reciprocate. The thing is that, he's embarrassed. Their date was the single worst day of his life. First he was late, and then his mom called halfway through with some kind of emergency. By the time they made it to the movies, he was dead on his feet. He woke up to see the opening credits and an embarrassed looking Jared sitting next to him. When Jared suggested that they stay as "friends", things got kind of ugly for him. Like, eating two tubs of Rocky Road ugly. Hence why he's on a damn diet in the first place.   
  
"Chris said that you asked for me personally?" Jared sounds unsure but Jensen is sure that he's going to kill Chris. "Apparently you have something you want to ask me?"  
  
Now, Jensen could ask Jared how he is. Or if he wants to hang out, grab lunch, or maybe give him another chance at the dating thing. What comes out is:  
  
"Have you been stealing my smoothies?" At first Jared's face scrunches up adorably, like he's trying really hard to comprehend what he's just been asked. Or, he could be attempting to come across as innocent. The secret spy part of Jensen's mind tells him that it is the latter.   
  
"Uh, no. I uh, didn't steal your smoothies," Jared replies. He's all flustered and blushing and Jensen thinks 'a ha!' and then 'damn' because he's not sure if he could potentially date and eventually marry a Smoothie Smuggler. "Someone totally took my ham and cheese sandwich, though."  
  
Of course, Chris overhears that as he's walking back in. "Maybe you and Jensen can team up and find out who the food bandits are."   
  
Jared just looks at them both like they have three heads between them. Jensen can almost see the moment where Jared decides that he wants to be anywhere else but here in Jensen's office.  
  
He gestures towards the computer. "I'm just gonna...fix this and go"  
  
~  
  
"Why would someone steal a strawberry and banana smoothie, though? And hell, why do you care? It's not like it's kiwi and guava. Like, where would people even buy those? Do they sell fruit on eBay?"  
  
Jensen stares at Chris and wonders, not for the first time, if he was truthful about anything on his resume. Considering that Chris is older than he is, the thought is very worrying.   
  
"Shh, here they come." This time, Jensen's gotten creative. He and Chris are doing this stakeout from the _hallway_. He watches as the IT guys stroll in, his eyes firmly placed on Jared. He follows them in, yanking Chris in with him so that he has someone to look natural with. He doesn't want the Smoothie Smuggler to know that he's onto them.   
  
He's so busy watching Jared that it takes Chris three attempts to get his attention.   
  
"Looks like you were wrong about the Smoothie Smuggler," he says, pointing in the direction of...Chad Michael Murray, who's the damn head of HR. Chad is standing next to Jared and Jensen vaguely remembers that they're good friends. Jensen watches as Chad holds up his bottle and points in Jensen's direction. Jared looks over too and nods. He catches Jensen watching and waves at Jensen. It's so ridiculous and cheesy that he actually waves back. Jared smiles at him and once again, Jensen can't help reciprocating.   
  
"I'm way too old for this high school shit," Chris mutters as he pushes Jensen forward. "Apologize twice and then ask him out, dummy."  
  
Jensen's head snaps back. "Twice?"   
  
"For ruining that date and for accusing him of being the Smoothie Smuggler." Jensen's about to tell Chris to fuck off when he notices Chad heading in his direction. He moves too, because he's ready to confront Chad for being a thief. They seem to meet halfway in the middle, like they're about to square off Western-style.   
  
"Jared has convinced me to call a truce with you," Chad announces. Out of the corner of his eye, Jensen sees Jared moving towards them but then he actually focuses on what Chad just said.   
  
Jensen's brow goes up. "What truce? I don't even know you."   
  
"Yeah, well, I know you," Chad says with an unnecessary jab, his bony finger digging into the meat of Jensen's chest. "And I'll keep taking your smoothies if you hurt him again."  
  
Jensen's not sure what part of that he shops process first, so he goes with the former.   
  
"You deprived me of my nutritional snack just because you wanted to get back at me and mffff--" Jensen is cut off by Chris' hand slapping over his mouth.   
  
"Replay what I just said and try the whole response thing again," Chad snarks. Jensen thinks that he looks deeply unimpressed but to be honest, he can't tell due to all of the squinting. Chris drops his hand and he finally allows himself to focus on the part that he didn't want to. It's true that he tends to be a little self-absorbed and neurotic, but not realising that he hurt Jared was a huge misstep.   
  
"Dude, that's not what--you didn't hurt me," Jared steps in suddenly. Quite why he waited until after Jensen entered 'omg-what-did-I-do???' mode is unclear but he breathes a welcome sigh of relief. "I was just disappointed. And I might have mentioned it to Chad. I didn't realise that he was the Smoothie Smuggler."  
  
Jensen's head snaps up. How does Jared know about that? He turns to look at Chris.   
  
"Yeah, so I might have hit 'Forward' when we were planning stage 4. Sorry." Chris looks decidedly unapologetic and Jensen bristles.   
  
"You are so fired."   
  
Chris flips him the bird as he saunters out of the kitchen.   
  
"Technically, you can't fire him for accidentally forwarding an email," Chad informs him. "It would make my life difficult. And you don't want to do that."  
  
Jensen rolls his eyes as Chad also departs without so much as an apology for stealing his damn smoothies.   
  
"Uh, I'd like to apologize on behalf of Chad," Jared says with an embarrassed smile. "He meant well. And I _was_ pretty disappointed that our date was a bust."  
  
"Me too," Jensen says. He feels nervous, like, this is the moment where he can make things right. Except he hasn't planned what to say, or been through it obsessively fifteen times to make sure that it's perfect.   
  
"I'll just...go and catch up with Chad then," Jared says when Jensen doesn't say anything. He starts to leave when Jensen's brain snaps hack online.   
  
"Wait," he calls. Jared stops and looks at him expectantly.   
  
Jensen clears his throat and says, "Would you like to try the date thing again? I promise not to fall asleep this time?" He laughs a little to cover the fact that he's terrified.   
  
It turns out that he doesn't need to be because Jared just grins at him and says, "I'd really like that."  
  
Jensen might be down several smoothies but...if this thing with Jared actually goes somewhere, it just might be worth it.


End file.
